Off – Balance.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME/Whatever the Heck We’re Supposed to Call it Now. A few months ago I felt I’d made enough improvement to try volunteer work again, so I applied to volunteer with Just Fairtrade, an indie Fairtrade shop in Leicester (if you’re ever in Leicester, you totally have to visit!). I was veeeery nervous, for a lot of different reasons, but it’s been going really well.

A few weeks ago, I decided it was time to push myself further and see if I could do more than one shift a week. Working for four hours a week, pathetic though it sounds to all you guys out there working a nine to five, is actually a serious achievement for me. It would have been impossible this time last year. So pushing that up to eight hours is a big deal, and I tried to brace myself for the fact that I might not be able to do it yet.

The experiment is so far inconclusive lol. I am physically getting it done, but it’s very much taking it’s toll in other areas of my life. One thing that’s definitely suffered is my spiritual practice. Husband has been absolutely fantastic, taking up the slack with housework, cooking and grocery shopping, but he can’t pray or journey for me!

It’s really been bothering me. I love my ‘job’ and it’s important to me. I also hope to be able to have a real job at some point, though obviously it’ll take a long time to get to that point and I have to accept that it may never happen (*makes a face because he’s not willing to accept this at all*). But at the same time, my spirituality is my life.

I’m trying to just see how it goes – logically, I know my body will either adapt or crash, and either way I’ll stabilize and get back to ‘normal’. But I do feel guilty, and I’ve done the mental ‘death spiral’ once or twice about the whole thing (you know what I mean; you start by feeling a bit worried that you’re not able to keep up with your devotional practice at the moment, and ten minutes later you decide that the only logical conclusion is that you’re the worst person in the Universe ever, the Gods hate you and you should just die). When I’m calm, I know that this is temporary, I will find a balance and my spiritual family not only understand, but want me to improve and do well. When I’m tired and stressy…Hello, death spiral.

I’d be really interested to read how some of you guys manage the whole work/life/devotion balance. I imagine it’s really tough if you have kids. Any tips you could share? I look forward to reading your comments 🙂

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3 thoughts on “Off – Balance.

  1. Hi Raven, I relate completely, both my husband and myself have been diagnosed with M.E and it is such a moveable feast. Remission periods are very promising and can lead to overdoing it I found at the beginning that making hay while the sun shone only meant a stint in bed exhausted and in pain. Things take a while to change and I have found personally that management is the key. Listening to the body and the mind. When it gets fuzzy, when the body is just so not willing, it is time to stay in bed. A lot of people think that M.E. is just (?) depression – this is a component as we get round the idea that our immune system and our body’s fitness for purpose is lacking and sometimes downright missing in action. I found that my belief system not only helped lift my spirits but sustained me enough to allow others to understand the ups and downs. NLP & Erickson hypnosis also helped as did all things like Reiki and mindfulness – allowing me to take control and have a better understanding of the emotional and Spiritual ebbs and flows of my energies.
    This is very much a ‘do what you can, when you can – just not too much’ finding balance and allowing yourself to be buoyed up by the social interactions that we all need will help. Keep on keeping on and know that you are helping others and yourself when you open up in forums like this
    thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Off – Balance. – Shamanism Scotland

  3. That’s very kind, thank you 😊 I’m sorry to hear that you and your husband are also living with this. I find it so hard to not overdo it! Thank you for all your advice 😊

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